Dear Davey Havok...

I was recently reading your interview in the awful music magazine I receive once every two weeks (it's a free subscription), and I came upon this little gem:

Did you get drunk once and then realize it wasn't for you?

Actually, no I've never been drunk in my life. I've never even had like a beer. It never really appealed to me. That culture was just very unappealing and I never wanted to be part of it. I just saw how people acted and treated each other. And I was just like ''that is not for me.'' And I also thought of it as something very civilian. It seemed like the mandatory recreation for civilians. I thought, ''If alcohol makes you do this, I want no part. I want nothing in common with these people.'' That's when I was fifteen

I'd like to respond to a few things, regarding that quote, and other things I've noticed about you lately. First, what the fuck is up with your face and hair now a days. I remember in the video for Total Immortal, you at least looked a little bit tough. Of course, you looked like a direct rip off of Glen Danzig, but I guess if you're going to jack someone's style, at least make it that of one of the best punk singers ever. Now I see this picture of you you (one posted here isn't even it, but this is almost as bad), and you look like one of Good Charlotte's fifteen year old fans. That's a girl's haircut motherfucker, and I'm pretty sure it's a girl's shirt too. You absolutely SHOULD drink, becuase you are the kind of girl any lucky, drunken guy would like to take home and ravage after twenty or thirty cans of random swill. You got the prettiest nails on the block.

And as for the drinking comment, I don't know what you mean by calling drinking "very civilian", but I imagine you meant it to mean that the people that drink are lower than you. Using the word civilian here, though, would imply that you are, in fact, in some branch of the armed forces. I fear for my life, and the lives of my family if this is so. It's sandy in Iraq, bro, so make sure to close your legs. Last thing you need is a sandy pussy.

Lastly, I would like to remind you that your music is awful. It was cute when you did all that halloween shit before (and still do), but you know that isn't yours. It's something ELSE you took from the Misfits. If Glen or Doyle even gave enough of a shit about your band to take notice, they'd probably sneeze on you and blow up your overly sized tour bus for stealing their shit, spreading hair dye and makeup all over the land. The fact is, though, they don't give a shit, and neither does anyone else. You are irrelevant when it comes to music now. Your new single is about suicide. Clever. You guys think of that alone, or is it the team of writers, producers, A&R jerks, and old money white guys who came up with this brilliant and innovative concep. I seriously hope it was you guys, because then my idea of what an awful set of crappy musicians you are is totally spot on.

In closing, I would like to hope for you that your album sells well, lest you be dropped from your label, and have to steal to get by. I hope you don't get caught. You'd make someone in jail a real nice piece.